Seeking Truth or Soothing Fear? Information Seeking vs. Reassurance Seeking Questions
By: Hailey George (Conston)
We ask questions all day long. "What time is it?" "Where are my keys?" "What's for dinner?" Questions are how we learn and navigate the world. But for someone living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), questions can take on a different, more complicated role. They can become a tool not for gathering information, but for chasing a temporary feeling of certainty that never quite lasts.
Understanding the difference between an information-seeking question and a reassurance-seeking question is a crucial step in loosening OCD’s grip. This distinction can help you identify a subtle but powerful compulsion and begin to reclaim your peace. It’s about learning to walk by faith, not by the fleeting feeling of certainty.
The Two Types of Questions: What's the Difference?
On the surface, both types of questions look similar. They are both quests for answers. The real difference lies in the motive behind the question and the effect the answer has on you.
Information-Seeking Questions
An information-seeking question is born from genuine curiosity or a practical need to know something you don't. The goal is to gain knowledge, solve a problem, or make a decision. An information-seeking question asks the questions once and accepts the answer given.
Let's look at an example. Imagine you’re planning to bake a cake and you see the milk carton is near its expiration date. You might ask your spouse, "Does this milk smell okay to you?" Your goal is to get their opinion so you can decide whether to use it. Once they say, "It smells fine," you accept the answer and move on with baking. Your anxiety is resolved, and the issue is closed.
Hallmarks of an Information-Seeking Question:
Motive: A genuine lack of knowledge.
Goal: To obtain a fact or an opinion to guide an action.
Result: The answer is accepted, the anxiety decreases, and you move on. You typically only need to ask once.
Reassurance-Seeking Questions
A reassurance-seeking question, on the other hand, comes from a place of intense anxiety and doubt, which are hallmarks of OCD. You might already know the answer, or there might not be a single, certain answer. The real goal is not to get information, but to get a temporary feeling of relief from the distress caused by an obsessive thought.
Let's return to our milk example, but this time through the lens of OCD. An obsessive thought pops into your head: "What if this milk is spoiled and I poison my family?" You ask your spouse, "Are you sure this milk is okay?" They say yes. A moment of relief washes over you. But then the doubt creeps back in. "But what if they're wrong? What if they can't smell it?" So you ask again, "But are you really sure? Can you check it one more time?"
You're not looking for information anymore. You're trying to squash the anxiety with a guarantee that doesn't exist. This is a compulsion.
Hallmarks of a Reassurance-Seeking Question:
Motive: To relieve the anxiety caused by an obsessive thought.
Goal: To achieve a feeling of 100% certainty or safety.
Result: The answer provides only temporary relief. The anxiety soon returns, often leading you to ask the same question again and again.
Why Reassurance-Seeking Feeds OCD
Reassurance feels good for a moment. It’s like scratching an itch. But just as scratching can make a rash worse, seeking reassurance strengthens the OCD cycle, just like any other compulsion would.
Every time you get reassurance and feel that brief dip in anxiety, your brain learns a dangerous lesson: The way to handle this fear is to ask for help from others. It reinforces the idea that you can't trust your own judgment and that the obsessive thought is a legitimate threat that needs to be neutralized. It keeps you dependent on an external "fix" for an internal problem.
This pattern prevents you from learning to tolerate uncertainty and sit with anxiety, which are essential skills for overcoming OCD. The Bible speaks about a peace that "transcends all understanding" (Philippians 4:7). This peace is not based on having all the answers or eliminating all risks. It is a peace found in trusting God even in the midst of uncertainty. Reassurance-seeking is the opposite; it’s a desperate search for a peace that is based only on human understanding and guarantees.
Action Steps: Moving from Reassurance to Trust
Breaking the habit of reassurance-seeking is a form of "Response Prevention," a key part of healing from OCD. It’s challenging, but it is possible. Here are some steps to guide you.
Pause and Identify the Motive: When you feel the urge to ask a question to calm a fear, stop. Ask yourself: "Am I trying to learn something new, or am I trying to make an anxious feeling go away?" Learning to spot the difference is the first, most powerful step.
Label it as OCD: Say to yourself, "This is my OCD. This is a reassurance-seeking compulsion." Giving it a name separates the thought from your true self and reduces its power over you. It reminds you that you are not your thoughts.
Resist the Urge: This is the hard part. Make a conscious choice not to ask the question. If you must say something, you could try responding to your own OCD thought with a pre-planned, accepting statement like, "Maybe, maybe not," or "I'm willing to live with the uncertainty."
Sit with the Anxiety: When you don't seek reassurance, your anxiety will likely spike. This is normal. Your goal is to ride the wave of anxiety without trying to fix it. Use healthy coping skills: take deep breaths, read a comforting scripture, or engage in a distracting activity. Be careful that these coping skills don’t become compulsions of their own. The goal is teaching your brain that you can survive the feeling and that it will pass on its own.
Involve Your Loved Ones: Explain to trusted family and friends what reassurance-seeking is and why it's harmful to your recovery. Ask them to lovingly decline to answer these questions. They can support you by saying something like, "It sounds like this is your OCD talking. You can handle this feeling."
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
Learning to distinguish between information and reassurance is a journey that requires courage and support. It's a path of learning to place your trust not in fleeting certainty, but in the unwavering faithfulness of God.
If you are tired of the endless cycle of questioning and fear, we are here to walk with you. At Christian Counseling of Tampa, we have a counselor who is skilled in evidence-based treatments for OCD and is committed to helping you find healing in a way that honors your faith. We can provide the tools and compassionate guidance you need to break free.
Take the first step toward a life of greater peace and trust. Complete the contact form on our website to connect with one of our counselors today.
