Let’s talk about social media for a minute. Every now and then I need the reminder that social media is everyone’s “highlight reel” and nowhere close to real life. It’s so easy to get caught up scrolling through your newsfeed consciously or subconsciously creating our own opinions of ourselves and maybe even seeing how we measure up to others.

What are some steps we can take to evaluate the impact of social media on our lives?

Did you know the average person makes over 35,000 decisions both consciously and subconsciously each and every day. With so many decisions to be made the power of pre-decision could can come in quiet useful.

You may be asking yourself right now what exactly is a “pre-decision”, a pre-decision is a choice you make between two different choices. It’s the question, do I go that way or do I go this way, do I eat that or this, do I watch this show or that show.

You’ve got an inner voice that has a running dialogue about life that can determine if you feel positive or negative.

Called self-talk, this is the inner voice that has opinions about everything, and those opinions can make a big difference in how you view life. You have an average of about 6,000 thoughts a day, most of which you habitually repeat to yourself.  In many cases, you learned to think these thoughts from experiences with your primary caregivers in childhood, and have been repeating them from that time.  As you can imagine, many of these thoughts no longer serve you.

I know what you may be thinking.. “Mindfulness? Isn’t that practiced in Buddhism?” or “is practicing mindfulness considered a Christian practice?” Before I begin I think its best we define mindfulness and “being mindful”.

Mindfulness is about bringing awareness to what we are doing, thinking and feeling at the moment you are doing, thinking and feeling it. As Christians we so long to stay connected and focused to God and God’s kingdom, but we can agree and recognize that our fears, anxieties, insecurities and the negativity in this world often times interfere with this focus and our ability to stay present.

Ever wonder why that one bad interaction sticks with you all day? Or why the one bad play you made at your rec softball game discounts the fine job you did throughout the whole game? Or remember when you may have gotten all A’s on your report card but that one C stuck out like a sore thumb and made the whole marking period a wash? What is with us and negativity?

As a woman, and a Christian woman, I’m beginning to feel as if the topic of singleness surrounds me on a daily basis and lingers around most corners of discussion. Between my clients and single friends, I consistently see this area of people’s lives being talked about and viewed in multiple ways.

Starting the process of choosing to enter into couples counseling, as well as, choosing who to do it with can be an overwhelming task. In fact, studies show that couples consider making that first appointment for a minimum of four years before actually going. There are many reasons for this, but some of that is the just not knowing.  Considering this is the most important relationship, you can never be too careful. This guide can better help you understand some of the things that will make you a well- informed client while you make an educated decision.

Whether it’s a random temper tantrum, a child’s new obsessive behavior, or a once bubbly teenager turned quiet and withdrawn…at some point, parents will experience bewilderment and concern regarding their child’s behavior. Such concerning behaviors can certainly create stress, worry, frustration, and/or a number of negative emotions. In turn, many find themselves losing patience, sleep, or at times, sanity! Fortunately, several simple, yet insightful tips can facilitate a better understanding of such distressing behaviors which will hopefully lead to more productive responses.

I often get asked “what caused you to want to be a counselor?” or “why addictions?” Often in this field one has either “been through the ringer themselves” or has personally experienced seeing someone they love struggle.  This is my story:

The day I met Kyle (Dec 16,2007) forever changed my life. We met at a bar, shocker! His roommate was the first to approach me and his arrogance immediately turned me off. He must have noticed he was losing my attention because immediately he stated “did you meet my roommates?”. That was when I met Kyle.

Life is hard and seems to just get harder. And as I write these words, I feel like I understand this now, more than ever. This last month has been one of the most difficult for me, personally. At its worst, the month has come with unexpected losses, grief, terror and pain. Even as a counselor with a long list of “coping skills,” it would still be easy to let circumstances overwhelm me, because life is hard. However, I believe I have the choice, just like anyone else, to choose to suffer well. And I believe the core of this includes embracing pain and suffering. It sounds backwards and unpleasant. But what I have found to be true is this –

Those who embrace suffering, feel better quicker.

Do you remember your first cell phone? Was it before cell phones had apps, touch screens, and text messaging? Was it when cell phones could barely fit in your pocket and had an antenna? Did you enjoy listening to music on your Sony Walkman or recording your favorite show on VHS? Technology isn’t anything like it used to be. It is transforming and expanding at a rapid pace. It is changing every aspect of the way we live our lives. We can see how our own behaviors have changed over the years as cell phones, televisions and computers evolve and become “smarter”. Technology has the ability to expose relationships to the dangers of conflict, distraction, and temptation. However, it can also increase intimacy, affection, and connectedness in couples if they utilize it effectively.

How much time do we spend creating, maintaining, and increasing our satisfaction with our homes? Whether painting certain colors to create a desired ambiance, cleaning away dust, dirt, and debris, adjusting the decor each season, and managing the landscaping to control overgrowth…caring for our homes is undeniably an ongoing priority. However, how does that amount of time and energy compare to the time and effort we invest into the relationships within our homes?

I arrived home from work one day and noticed the laundry had been taken out of the dryer and folded. Now this doesn’t happened often, so you can imagine the surprised greeting my husband received from me. My husband and I have our own ways of cleaning and organizing. I tend to be more particular about cleanliness and how our things are organized; whereas my husband is more laid-back about the structure of the home. So when I saw my folded clothes laid out, my initial reaction was to criticize his folding techniques – “that is not how I do it”, “you should do it like this”, or “that doesn’t look right”. Over the years, I have learned a lot about our differences: how we load the dish washer differently, how we eat at a different pace, how we communicate differently. I’ve also learned to appreciate our differences. When I found the laundry folded his way, I had a choice – to criticize his differences or to appreciate them.
Our responsibility as husbands and wives is to wholeheartedly love our spouse.

Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe in… Breathe out…

Now, I know you probably just read that and didn’t actually focus on your breath and breathing! Take a moment before continuing reading to take four deep breaths with your eyes closed, concentrating on the pattern, then proceed.

Anxiety has such a way of taking us out of the present moment and making us disconnected with ourselves. Our minds race, thinking of every possible thing we need to get done, everything we could have done, should have done, would have done, you name it! Before you know it we’ve completely lost the present moment and have no idea what happened. All we know is we feel a tightness in our chest, heart racing, nervousness, irritability, discomfort and racing thoughts. If this is you, you’re not alone!

“My child doesn’t know how to control his anger.”

“I feel terrible that I lost my patience with my little girl.”

“I regret how I reacted during a conflict with my husband.”

I often hear common concerns such as these when working with families. Whether from our crying baby or disrespectful teenager to high levels of work stress or relational conflict, we can all relate to moments when our emotions seem to control us.

Communication. It’s something we all have to do, daily, if not constantly, with our bosses, spouses, family, friends, children and even strangers. For some, it seems to come so easy, confidently expressing thoughts themselves. While for others, it is a major struggle to get across the simplest of requests without feeling uncomfortable.

For those of you who do not remember the game of Pac man I will excuse your youth and give a brief explanation. The goal of the game is to chomp your way to the end of the maze consuming dots along the way while avoiding “ghosts” to reach the finish. It was a very popular game in the 1980’s. The ironic thing about the game was that as you went through the game successfully and chomped, chomped your way to the finish, the Pac man icon would never be completely full. So you would move onto the next screen and start over again. (To be gender neutral there was a Ms. Pac man game who suffered the same eventual incomplete fate).

This is the age old question. How do I determine what God’s will is? Without hearing God in an audible voice or having him show up in the flesh, is there a way to know what direction He would have for me in a situation, circumstance or major decision in my life? In fact, if one claims to hear an audible voice or see Him in the flesh, then definitely would be calling our office anyway! So how does one go about discerning this?

I’ve heard addiction over the years described by family members as: terrifying, heartbreaking, powerful, scary, painful and powerless (just to name a few).  When a loved one sees their abuser struggling and slowly losing parts of themselves, naturally there is an overwhelming feeling, and an almost “need” to want to help. Often times, that help quickly loses its boundaries and becomes enabling and/or control.  I don’t think most people sit back and prepare for the possibility that their child or the person they marry may have addiction issues, therefore when it comes time to knowing what to do, many are at a loss.

There are an increasing number of families being torn apart by addiction. Family members feel helpless and overwhelmed, not knowing what they can do to help their loved one. Family members all too often find themselves on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. They live a life walking on eggshells in fear of triggering anger or losing control. Sometimes it seems easier to give into the torment, intimidation, and exhaustion. By doing so, you’re feeding the addiction and reinforce feelings of guilt, self-blame and frustration.