So, You're single?

By Heather Widmer LMHC, CAP

As a woman, and a Christian woman, I’m beginning to feel as if the topic of singleness surrounds me on a daily basis and lingers around most corners of discussion. Between my clients and single friends, I consistently see this area of people’s lives being talked about and viewed in multiple ways.

I will be the first to admit that I too am single (and I’m not exactly in the spring chicken category anymore)! I will also be the first to admit that, just like everyone else, sometimes I struggle with this. I was never the one to grow up with the ideal of being married by age 23 and have 2.4 children by age 26, but I have always imagined marriage being a part of my future. I hear sides of encouragement such as: “you’re still young!”, “I’m proud of you for not settling” and “God’s using you for amazing things now, when the time is right the right man will come” to not so encouraging statements like: “maybe you’re too picky”, “well, what is wrong with you?” and “(insert what should be considered having standards), this is why you’re still single”. We live in a culture and society that loves to point out the shortcomings of others, have ideals and expectations of what life “should” look like and what is wrong with us if we don’t meet up to those expectations. I hear so many singles who think something MUST be wrong with them if they aren’t in a relationship, engaged or married yet. Shamefully, I myself have fallen victim to this negative chatter in my head at times and although I’m able to snap out of it, it still seems to pop up.

Maybe you are one who envisioned their life to look a certain way by now and it hasn’t happened, or maybe you’re someone who is watching those around you find their partner and you’re left wondering, “Is there something wrong with me that I can’t find someone?” Well, guess what? I’m here to tell you nothing is wrong with you! You are beautiful/handsome, you are one of a kind, you are intelligent, you are worth loving, you make other people’s lives happier and your worth is not dependent on whether or not someone else recognizes that at this moment.

God’s timing is everything. You don’t need to rush, you don’t need to push or control to make something fit; He knows what He’s doing and there is a reason why you’re in the position you’re in now and not in the relationship you may want. Whether the reason is to learn something about yourself that needs to be nurtured, enjoy life- the people around you and the experiences, or to focus on changing His kingdom, there IS a purpose to your singleness. I can only speak for myself but as I reflect on this season of singleness, despite brief moments of insecurity, I consistently praise God for how much He’s allowing me to experience during this time. I’m reminded on a daily basis that His love flows through me and onto others in a way that is unlike anything else. His will is being done and the peace this provides is unspeakable.

Know that this season is an opportunity to grow closer to God, closer to yourself and closer to the world around you. God’s truth stands firm and He provides.  Remain faithful and trust in Him knowing that even despite times of loneliness, He is always with you and blessing your life beyond belief.

Remember, you are a child of the utmost high God, and that’s something that singleness or a relationships will never take away or change.

“For your Maker is your husband– the LORD Almighty is his name– the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5