Sometimes a few sessions into therapy, clients will ask questions like, “Will I always feel this way?” “How long until therapy feels like it is really working?” or “Why isn’t my husband or wife getting it yet?” Basically they are soliciting the question, “Is there anyway to make this go faster?” My response is usually something along the lines of, "well yeah, if I had the magic solution, I’d be living on a yacht right now making billions." However, in the instant gratification culture we live in today, it’s not surprising that our clients desire some quick, easy fix.

Have you ever been in a situation that left you feeling like you did something wrong or that nothing you do is good enough? Maybe a situation that left you feeling excluded and wondering how you can fix it? What if I told you that often times situations, other’s behavior towards you, particular outcomes or whatever circumstances may actually have nothing to do with you. 

There’s no other way to say it, but loss is painful. When we think about loss, we most often think of an actual passing, a loss that is identified with the individual or loved one no longer being here on Earth. I’d like to point out, however, that loss comes in many forms and, often times, those losses can feel almost as significant. In fact, you are experiencing a death of some kind; one that must also be grieved.

The way our minds process grief and loss truly is interesting. I recently heard that research studies have shown through brain scans that the loss of a relationship looks the same as an addict who is experiencing withdrawal. When our brains are missing what once was, the brain will release the same chemicals that indicate a “need” for whatever that “thing” is. We miss the familiarity, the comfort, the habits and the routine that the partner, job, drug, etc provided.

In just about a blink it’s going to be 2018. This last month of the year will fly by. But before it does, let’s take a few minutes to brainstorm how to set some good boundaries and make the most of this holiday season.

The first question to think about is, “What’s the priority this season? What is going to take precedence over everything else?” The reality is that life is always going to be throwing things at us, trying to tell us what is more important. And to be real, when I say life, I also mean people. Friends, family, your crazy Aunt Suzie, the “Jones” next door, social media, etc. are all going to try to tell us what to be invested in.

Making the decision to see a therapist can be quite difficult in itself, but for the Christian there may be added concerns about compatibility between worldviews.  There may be questions about whether the therapist will respect your religious beliefs, minimize them, or treat them as part of the problem.  How should a believer go about choosing a therapist, and what factors should be considered?

 I was sitting in an ice cream shop with my kids and husband one Saturday afternoon many months ago and a TV was showing the news in a corner of the shop. A few days prior, a 4 year old boy fell into a gorilla enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo, and this was the story on every news channel all weekend long. As we know, he survived the incident, but the gorilla was shot dead to protect the young boy’s life. One of the shop owners was sweeping near the TV and commented to another employee that they "just should have shot the mother instead." My stomach lurched in shock and anger; but, apparently this sentiment had been echoed in comment sections, petitions, and Twitter feeds around the world.  What is it, I wondered, that made people feel that the only logical conclusion to this terrible accident was that she was a bad mother?

Every year from June until November is hurricane season. This year the hurricane season has already been extreme for the Southern states of the United States. It reminds me of one of the first hurricane seasons I ever experienced with my family after only being in Tampa for a couple of years. That year four storms lined up in the Caribbean, one behind the other. They were just lingering and waiting to leave their mark on islands, cities, and people’s lives.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” – C.S. Lewis

 Often times when we think about grief, we think about the loss of a person, specifically a loved one. While this can be true, grief also encompasses many other aspects of life. In processing grief we will consider not only the loss of that person, home, pet, career, business, etc. but also the loss of future dreams, plans, and hopes, and more expansive ramifications of loss. Some of these things you may be aware of and others might be lying just under the surface.

Let me just get it out of the way and say everyone’s favorite word as it relates to God’s plans for their life… UNKNOWNS! Whether you are deciding on a new career, debating a move, have recently lost a loved one or are deciding on a life partner, there are always unknowns in the outcome that will occur.

It’s fair to say that resting in earthly possessions or outcomes will always leave an unsettling feeling. It is through our faith in Christ alone that we will experience a different level of peace, but connecting to this peace can still be uncomfortable!

There is a time for everything, a time to love and a time to hate. A time for peace and a time for war. When we think of the word “war,” we often think about it on a worldwide scale or nation against nation, however there are raging wars within us all every single day. In John Piper’s now infamous sermon entitled “Make War,” he passionately and emphatically declares; “I hear so many Christians, murmuring about their imperfections, and their failures, and their addiction, and their shortcomings. And I see so little war! Murmur, murmur, murmur. Why am I this way, Make War!”

Although I’m no longer in school, when the kids go back in August, I like to think that I’m about to start a brand new year too. I’m a big fan of summertime fun, but there is something to be said about new routines, more set schedules, and back to business attitudes that come with the start of a new school year. When I was younger, I remember my mom used to make my brother and I practice having an earlier bedtime about a week or so before school started. Rob and I always found this to be a bummer, because it was our last week of freeeedom, and we wanted to soak up all the playtime we could get. But alas, mom always knows best. If we did not prioritize a good bedtime beforehand, that first week back definitely felt like a drag.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

The world we live and grow up in surrounds us and shapes us. It influences our choices, our relationships, our careers, our families and where we find ourselves at certain crossroads and decisions we have to make. When we come to those critical junctions, learning more about why we find ourselves where we are can give us the opportunity, as Paul was explaining to the Christians in Rome, to make better, healthier and holier choices.

Many of us are in desperate need of embracing ourselves.  Because we know ourselves so well, we don’t think we measure up and our self-esteem and self-appreciation is low.

Instead of being our own best friend, we become victims of a paralyzing fear.  We’re fearful of our need to always be right, of our drive for power, or our need to manipulate others to get what we want.  And our past mistakes make us fearful about what we might say or do under pressure.  If we treated our friends the way we treat ourselves, putting down strengths and emphasizing mistakes, we wouldn’t have any friends left...

Let’s talk about social media for a minute. Every now and then I need the reminder that social media is everyone’s “highlight reel” and nowhere close to real life. It’s so easy to get caught up scrolling through your newsfeed consciously or subconsciously creating our own opinions of ourselves and maybe even seeing how we measure up to others.

What are some steps we can take to evaluate the impact of social media on our lives?

Did you know the average person makes over 35,000 decisions both consciously and subconsciously each and every day. With so many decisions to be made the power of pre-decision could can come in quiet useful.

You may be asking yourself right now what exactly is a “pre-decision”, a pre-decision is a choice you make between two different choices. It’s the question, do I go that way or do I go this way, do I eat that or this, do I watch this show or that show.

You’ve got an inner voice that has a running dialogue about life that can determine if you feel positive or negative.

Called self-talk, this is the inner voice that has opinions about everything, and those opinions can make a big difference in how you view life. You have an average of about 6,000 thoughts a day, most of which you habitually repeat to yourself.  In many cases, you learned to think these thoughts from experiences with your primary caregivers in childhood, and have been repeating them from that time.  As you can imagine, many of these thoughts no longer serve you.

I know what you may be thinking.. “Mindfulness? Isn’t that practiced in Buddhism?” or “is practicing mindfulness considered a Christian practice?” Before I begin I think its best we define mindfulness and “being mindful”.

Mindfulness is about bringing awareness to what we are doing, thinking and feeling at the moment you are doing, thinking and feeling it. As Christians we so long to stay connected and focused to God and God’s kingdom, but we can agree and recognize that our fears, anxieties, insecurities and the negativity in this world often times interfere with this focus and our ability to stay present.

Ever wonder why that one bad interaction sticks with you all day? Or why the one bad play you made at your rec softball game discounts the fine job you did throughout the whole game? Or remember when you may have gotten all A’s on your report card but that one C stuck out like a sore thumb and made the whole marking period a wash? What is with us and negativity?

As a woman, and a Christian woman, I’m beginning to feel as if the topic of singleness surrounds me on a daily basis and lingers around most corners of discussion. Between my clients and single friends, I consistently see this area of people’s lives being talked about and viewed in multiple ways.

Starting the process of choosing to enter into couples counseling, as well as, choosing who to do it with can be an overwhelming task. In fact, studies show that couples consider making that first appointment for a minimum of four years before actually going. There are many reasons for this, but some of that is the just not knowing.  Considering this is the most important relationship, you can never be too careful. This guide can better help you understand some of the things that will make you a well- informed client while you make an educated decision.