So far, I’ve been fairly quiet with my thoughts about COVID-19 and the effect it’s had on our lives as individuals and as a society. I, like many of you, have felt a mix of concern, anxiety, hope, and fatigue. To an extent I’m tired of talking about quarantine and social distancing and I long for life to move forward. No matter how many self-care tactics or strategies for managing stress and anxiety I’ve learned, even though I’m a licensed mental health practitioner, I still had to practice what I preach. When the adrenaline rush wore off, the fatigue set in as I contemplated what living fully looks like in our strange new world. Few blogs I’ve read have adequately captured the heart of what I’ve been feeling during this time, so I thought I would share my own thoughts in hopes that it may help you put words to your own experience.

Dear Valued CCST Client,

I want to take this opportunity to announce Christian Counseling of South Tampa’s new Owner/Managing Director. You have entrusted us with your life’s journey and challenges; and, therefore, I want to assure you during this exciting transition that your services will go as normal.

After 16 years of serving the community, I wanted to seek out the right professional who really understands the heart behind the vision and mission of the practice; one who truly appreciates the value of our service and provides able leadership with an eager capability of future potential as well.

A lot is going on right now with the COVID-19, and it seems like it is creating a lot of anxiety and worry in regards to health, finances, relationships, etc. Is it really creating anxiety or just revealing what already exists beneath the surface? We can often arrange our lives in a way to cover up our fears, and we are addicted to control. As a part of my counseling training, I was required to attend Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Al-Anon meetings. I found it interesting in the meetings that the family members of alcoholics typically liked the alcoholic in their life better when they were drinking. Why? The real person is revealed when they don’t have the alcohol to cover up whatever they’re using alcohol to cope for. We use control to cover a lot of what we are dealing with and pretend everything is ok.

Grief can be an overwhelming feeling of sadness, depression, anger, and happiness all in one. We all grieve differently; some have lost loved ones, some have recently been healing from a broken heart, and others grieve someone who hasn't even passed yet. Typically, we think of grief coming after death, but it often comes long before death arrives. When the likelihood of death is presented, we often start the grieving process.

“Why can't my parents just get along?” “Why do I have to switch houses weekly?” “Why do my parents always put me in the middle of their fights?” As a registered mental health counselor intern for children, adolescents and young adults, these are the statements I hear from my clients.

In a podcast I was recently listening to, the guest compared the invention of social media to the invention of fire. Back in the day when fire was discovered, I’m sure folks were totally amazed but also had to learn how to control and contain it. It seemingly had great benefits but without some boundaries it could easily become all consuming and even destructive. Sound about right? As we enter into the summer and possibly have some extra time on our hands, let’s consider some practical ways to manage our social media usage.

As a licensed mental health counselor I am consistently seeking to learn the best ways to help clients through whatever hardship they may be facing. A friend and fellow colleague in the field approached me about attending a training to become certified in an evidenced based approach to counseling and I couldn’t have been more excited! I’d heard about ART for several years, having had worked with the addictions population and also with trauma, and it had always been highly recommended.

You are not enough. That sounds like something I shouldn’t be saying on a counseling blog, right? Working in youth and college ministry, one of the greatest struggles I have seen is people not feeling like they’re good enough. I, myself, feel this at times, and in this age of social media, it can be incredibly easy to scroll through Instagram and compare your life or your body to those on your screen.

Here is some scripture to meditate on for those who struggle to realize how much God loves them. When doing the exercise, have someone read it to you, so you can close your eyes and imagine God speaking to you.

I am continuously inspired by my clients. One frequent theme of inspiration is found when clients process, and struggle with, self worth.

Full disclosure, my own self worth journey has experienced some remarkable highs but also some real gut wrenching, wisdom growing lows. I’ve been the girl trying to find my value and worth in relationships; the girl who desperately wanted to fit in so I sought others endless validation; the girl who thought weight and my appearance would be the solution and make me more desirable; the girl who thought my accomplishments would be what made me more respectable. I’ve been the girl who has put God second, even third, in hopes that the guy, the 5 pounds, the compliment would be the solution to my joy and happiness

Thankfully mental health is becoming less taboo these days. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a lot of confusion about it. For this week’s blog I thought it might be helpful to provide basic information about depression. How is it defined and diagnosed and what are some healthy coping skills for managing it?

Having worked with couples for over 20 years, there has been such joy to be on the front row seat witnessing healing and restoration.  Being used as a vessel for God to show up and work miracles is no short of fulfilling.  Recently, I worked with a couple who had been married 15+ years, finally gotten to the hard-worked-for chapter of retirement, found themselves not enjoying one another during this supposedly “golden” chapter of leisure and relaxation, and now living in two different cities separated and ready to call it quits.  The lawyers were hired, the papers were filled out and awaiting signatures.  One reached out and posed the question, “Are we sure?”

‘Tis the season!  Even though I say this, I am really not sure exactly of the meaning.  I don’t really talk that way any other time of the year either.  I don’t say, “‘Tis the summer,” for example.  Many times, I catch myself just moving through the motions during the holidays, never really thinking about it.  Don’t get me wrong, I like the welcoming warmth of what traditions bring.  I am saying, though, that giving some intentional thought before the main event of the celebration season begins may help as you move through them.

Grief: something I wish no one ever had to deal with.  At the age of 29, I never thought I would have lost two very important people in my life. I look back at how I grieved the loss of my grandmother and now my uncle and at times I would find myself frustrated and angry with God. Frustrated of the unknown. The tests that did not get to happen, the unanswered lab results, and the other unknown questions. Although I know they are both with my heavenly father, I was frustrated that I did not spend as much time with them, that I worked more than taking the time off to visit them. I was angry that I had to live through holidays and big events without them cheering me on or walking through the difficult parts of life with me.

“Somedays, you feel so unloved by the people who are supposed to love you. And your heart hurts. And you feel empty. Like you’re in a wasteland with no life. Right now, it seems that this has been a very lifeless season. People who are supposed to bring joy to your life now bring thoughts of dread as you think of the life being sucked out of you. They never ask if you’re okay. And I’m not. I haven’t been for a long time.”

These are words I wrote down about a year ago. Words that I felt so deeply to my core.

In recent discussion I shared with a friend how, in the last year or two, I’ve encountered more and more clients who cannot answer the questions “who are you?”  and “in what do you find your value and worth?” I’ve come to realize that a history of rejection is linked and found in each individual’s past.

God never intended us to feel rejection, however rejection is truly a perfect tool that the enemy uses to cause us to not only question our identity, but to steer us away from our identity in Christ. God desires for us to know who we truly are and for us to know His love and acceptance for us. If we are not rooted in love, as God has intended, how can we truly experience all that Christ has in store for us?

Something that has been on my mind as of late is the subject of down time. I’m one of those people that tends to jam pack my schedule and try to maximize time, all the time. It makes life fun and busy but also overwhelming at times. Earlier this week, I had an unusual break during the middle of the week. Part of me thought hmm this is a great opportunity to catch up on paperwork or get some good exercise in. But then the other part of me saw the old, spotted bananas on the counter and thought they would be perfect for some banana bread. I decided to whip up some banana bread with my old bananas but then later questioned myself if that was my best decision.

For years I worked with married couples in my practice resulting in personal frustration. They wouldn’t stay for the course and quit before the momentum finally offered them relief, they got better only to see them boomerang back in six months, or there was just too much pain to commit to the process without ensuring a proper payoff. I even considered stopping working with married couples altogether.

As a believer in Christ, I am always pleased when empirical scientific research validates the Christian worldview.  “Empirical” is one of those research words meaning something has been verified or observed.  For this blog we are going to look at the act of forgiveness, particularly, what forgiveness entails, research that was conducted on the subject, and how forgiveness can restore relationships. 

What comes to mind when I mention the words “premarital counseling”? To some, these words may trigger feelings of excitement to grow. For some, feelings of fear and not wanting to confront, and to others, possibly an assumption that something must be wrong with the relationship. These may happen and can be realities, but premarital counseling is not only necessary if you are unsure of marriage but also if you are looking to strengthen your future marriage.