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Embracing Suffering

Embracing Suffering

Life is hard and seems to just get harder. And as I write these words, I feel like I understand this now, more than ever. This last month has been one of the most difficult for me, personally. At its worst, the month has come with unexpected losses, grief, terror and pain. Even as a counselor with a long list of “coping skills,” it would still be easy to let circumstances overwhelm me, because life is hard. However, I believe I have the choice, just like anyone else, to choose to suffer well. And I believe the core of this includes embracing pain and suffering. It sounds backwards and unpleasant. But what I have found to be true is this –

Those who embrace suffering, feel better quicker.

Unplug and Tune-In

Unplug and Tune-In

Do you remember your first cell phone? Was it before cell phones had apps, touch screens, and text messaging? Was it when cell phones could barely fit in your pocket and had an antenna? Did you enjoy listening to music on your Sony Walkman or recording your favorite show on VHS? Technology isn’t anything like it used to be. It is transforming and expanding at a rapid pace. It is changing every aspect of the way we live our lives. We can see how our own behaviors have changed over the years as cell phones, televisions and computers evolve and become “smarter”. Technology has the ability to expose relationships to the dangers of conflict, distraction, and temptation. However, it can also increase intimacy, affection, and connectedness in couples if they utilize it effectively.

DIY Home Construction

DIY Home Construction

How much time do we spend creating, maintaining, and increasing our satisfaction with our homes? Whether painting certain colors to create a desired ambiance, cleaning away dust, dirt, and debris, adjusting the decor each season, and managing the landscaping to control overgrowth…caring for our homes is undeniably an ongoing priority. However, how does that amount of time and energy compare to the time and effort we invest into the relationships within our homes?

We are Called to love

We are Called to love

I arrived home from work one day and noticed the laundry had been taken out of the dryer and folded. Now this doesn’t happened often, so you can imagine the surprised greeting my husband received from me. My husband and I have our own ways of cleaning and organizing. I tend to be more particular about cleanliness and how our things are organized; whereas my husband is more laid-back about the structure of the home. So when I saw my folded clothes laid out, my initial reaction was to criticize his folding techniques – “that is not how I do it”, “you should do it like this”, or “that doesn’t look right”. Over the years, I have learned a lot about our differences: how we load the dish washer differently, how we eat at a different pace, how we communicate differently. I’ve also learned to appreciate our differences. When I found the laundry folded his way, I had a choice – to criticize his differences or to appreciate them.
Our responsibility as husbands and wives is to wholeheartedly love our spouse.

Dealing with Anxiety

Dealing with Anxiety

Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe in… Breathe out…

Now, I know you probably just read that and didn’t actually focus on your breath and breathing! Take a moment before continuing reading to take four deep breaths with your eyes closed, concentrating on the pattern, then proceed.

Anxiety has such a way of taking us out of the present moment and making us disconnected with ourselves. Our minds race, thinking of every possible thing we need to get done, everything we could have done, should have done, would have done, you name it! Before you know it we’ve completely lost the present moment and have no idea what happened. All we know is we feel a tightness in our chest, heart racing, nervousness, irritability, discomfort and racing thoughts. If this is you, you’re not alone!

Who is in Control: Your Emotions or You?

Who is in Control: Your Emotions or You?

“My child doesn’t know how to control his anger.”

“I feel terrible that I lost my patience with my little girl.”

“I regret how I reacted during a conflict with my husband.”

I often hear common concerns such as these when working with families. Whether from our crying baby or disrespectful teenager to high levels of work stress or relational conflict, we can all relate to moments when our emotions seem to control us.

Communication- How to Listen Well and Speak Up for Yourself

Communication- How to Listen Well and Speak Up for Yourself

Communication. It’s something we all have to do, daily, if not constantly, with our bosses, spouses, family, friends, children and even strangers. For some, it seems to come so easy, confidently expressing thoughts themselves. While for others, it is a major struggle to get across the simplest of requests without feeling uncomfortable.

What are we Missing?

What are we Missing?

For those of you who do not remember the game of Pac man I will excuse your youth and give a brief explanation. The goal of the game is to chomp your way to the end of the maze consuming dots along the way while avoiding “ghosts” to reach the finish. It was a very popular game in the 1980’s. The ironic thing about the game was that as you went through the game successfully and chomped, chomped your way to the finish, the Pac man icon would never be completely full. So you would move onto the next screen and start over again. (To be gender neutral there was a Ms. Pac man game who suffered the same eventual incomplete fate).

Discerning God's Will

Discerning God's Will

This is the age old question. How do I determine what God’s will is? Without hearing God in an audible voice or having him show up in the flesh, is there a way to know what direction He would have for me in a situation, circumstance or major decision in my life? In fact, if one claims to hear an audible voice or see Him in the flesh, then definitely would be calling our office anyway! So how does one go about discerning this?

Let Go Or Hold On? …When A Loved One Struggles With Addiction

Let Go Or Hold On? …When A Loved One Struggles With Addiction

I’ve heard addiction over the years described by family members as: terrifying, heartbreaking, powerful, scary, painful and powerless (just to name a few).  When a loved one sees their abuser struggling and slowly losing parts of themselves, naturally there is an overwhelming feeling, and an almost “need” to want to help. Often times, that help quickly loses its boundaries and becomes enabling and/or control.  I don’t think most people sit back and prepare for the possibility that their child or the person they marry may have addiction issues, therefore when it comes time to knowing what to do, many are at a loss.